Sex is a normal part of human nature, but uncontrolled sexual desires can put you in situations you never wanted to be in. Sexual desires need to be controlled. If not, they will cause dysfunction in your relationships and mental health.
This article will give you tips on how you can manage your compulsive sexual behavior. Read along and learn ways to control these sexual impulses and where you can ask for help when you can’t control them. Sexual urges can be a problem when they start affecting your relationships and sexual behavior.
Understanding Your Sex Drive
Libido is a simplified term for the desire to engage in sexual activity. Humans, just like animals, need to have sex to reproduce. Libido is rooted deeply in our biology to encourage us to produce another human being.
There is no such thing as “normal levels” for sex drive. Some couples feel like having sex every day. Some would have it once a week. How often you have sex with your partner depends on your agreement with each other. If your partner agrees to have sex anytime and both of you get satisfied, your libido levels are normal.
Having a high libido can become a problem when sexual desires feel out of control and become compulsions. Some factors, including social and psychological ones, can control our libido levels.
Here are some factors that affect our libido levels:
- Level of fatigue
- Having a history of sexual abuse
- Depression and anxiety
- Estrogen and testosterone levels
- Abuse of drugs and alcohol
- Religious norms
- Quality of relationship
Compulsive Sexual Behavior
This behavior is commonly known as sex addiction. It is a hypersexuality disorder with an excessive preoccupation with sexual thoughts and fantasies. The sexual urge becomes the major focus in life that negatively impacts a person’s mental health.
Sex addiction is a psychiatric disorder that has negative results on the patient’s psychological and physical health. Clinical treatments for these kinds of psychological disorders are not yet formalized, and they aren’t directly listed under DSM-5. However, medical centers are already catering to patients suffering from such disorders.
A major characteristic of this disorder is the repetitive sexual act despite adverse consequences. These activities are self-destructive to the point where patients already neglect their health, self-care, and intimacy with their spouse.
Do you know someone you consider a sex addict? Here are some signs that they may be struggling with a high sex drive:
- They are unable to achieve sexual satisfaction. No matter how often they have sex or masturbate, they seem incapable of lowering their sexual energy. They feel like they are unable to get the amount of sex they desire.
- They can’t stop sexual activity. Whether they are watching porn or having sex with a stranger, they can’t stop doing it even if it has already affected their social relationships.
- They do “it” all the time. They start sacrificing their work, sleep, and social relationships for sex. But always feel empty and unsatisfied after having sex.
- They are using sex as an escape from life. These people always find reasons to justify their sexual compulsions. They even sneak around and lie to people who care about them.
How to Control Sexual Desire: Ways to Control Your Sexual Urges
A married man with uncontrolled sexual urges tends to give in and book a sex worker to gain feelings of relief and fulfillment. The consequences of these unhealthy desires are infidelity and adultery.
High libido only becomes a problem when you start ditching work or cheating on a partner because of it. In other words, when these unwanted sexual feelings are not restrained, they could destroy relationships and families. Here are some ways to control them:
1, Identify the Things That Trigger Sexual Urges
To avoid tempting situations, you must first identify what triggers your sexual desires. They may be prompted by sexual fantasies and imaginations in which your physical body reacts by being aroused.
Remain alert and take time to do a self-assessment. Know the environment or the time of the day when you usually start thinking about sex. Try to determine if there is a pattern in your behavior and break it by changing your lifestyle. Finding a new hobby can also help you focus on something rather than indulging yourself with your sexual thoughts.
2. Know the First Line of Defense
Some easily give in to their sexual urges and would easily find release through masturbation. This is okay, but not if you are in the middle of a meeting or during working hours.
Be sure to know the first thing to do when erotic thoughts and feelings arise. Interrupt the sexual fantasies by stopping yourself right there. Avoid eye contact with someone in the office who arouses you sexually. Stop those sexual thoughts from growing in your mind immediately.
Have a list of what you will gain from not giving in to temptations and stick to them. Know how to channel your sexual energy into something creative and spiritual.
3. Avoid Watching Porn
Nowadays, this billion-dollar industry has become more difficult to ignore. Viewing porn has become socially acceptable and accessible through the web. Exposure to porn sites triggers urges to masturbate, so try to use filters on your laptops or cellphones to block these kinds of content.
4. Abstain from Drugs and Alcohol
Sexual activity under the influence of alcohol or drugs is linked to a higher risk of unhealthy sexual behavior. You lose your inhibitions when you’re drunk or high, which could also mean losing control over your sexual urges.
The link between sex addiction and substance abuse is a co-occurring disorder. They work hand in hand. Addiction to both sex and drugs or alcohol can worsen into criminal behaviors such as rape and sexual assault.
Stop yourself from going to places or attending parties that you know might become problematic. Control your drinks and know your alcohol tolerance.
5. Talk to Others Who Can Help
Being aware of your body and knowing that you have a high sex drive is nothing to feel bad about. It is normal if one party has a higher libido than the other person in the relationship.
Your sexual relationship with your partner is not over yet. You could always talk to a psychosexual and relationship therapist to help you sort things out.
Is Having a High Sex Drive a Problem?
Having a high libido is not a problem if you don’t feel like your urges are controlling you. An increase in sexual desire is usually experienced by young people going through hormonal surges. When older, having a high libido can be a symptom of a medical illness or a side effect of the medication you’re taking.
Studies show that higher libido levels are usually found in men than in women. This male versus female myth is a common stereotype when we talk about sex drive. However, research suggests that heterosexual women are often more interested in sex than their male counterparts.
Having a higher sex drive is normal. We should not feel embarrassed about it. There are is no precise way to measure sex drive. Only you can tell if your libido is higher than your partner’s sexual desire or if you have a higher sex drive now compared to a few months ago.
Having a higher sex drive could be a good sign that you’re getting good sex. That’s why your body craves it more. It could also mean having lower stress levels and being capable of giving yourself a break and enjoying pleasurable sexual feelings.
Sexual impulses may fluctuate over the years. It is most of the time linked to distress and relationship issues. Some cases of lower libido are caused by overfamiliarity with your partner and your relationship. It could also be caused by unresolved arguments and frequent conflict with your spouse that you lose the drive for sex.
Here are some ways that can help you boost your libido:
- Stop or swap your current medications. Medicines like birth control pills, antidepressants, and beta-blockers have side effects of lowering sex drive. Have your meds reviewed by your doctor and ask for alternatives for these medications.
- Eat food that increases libido. There are some natural foods that help increase sex drive. Raw oysters and chocolates are known as edible aphrodisiacs.
- Boost your sexual confidence. Established intimate relationships can result in higher sexual confidence. Sex is undeniably an enjoyable activity between two consenting adults. Being a part of an intimate relationship means that both parties are satisfied sexually that they want to stay in it.
- Take time to relax. Stress can destroy your sex life. Give yourself time and meditate to relieve yourself from everything that crowds your mind.
You may have lower urges if you are distracted or under a lot of pressure. Stress also affects your sexual behaviors.
Final Thoughts
Sexuality, including intimacy and sex, are a vital part of human nature. It can also have an impact on our overall health and well-being. It fulfills the feeling of belongingness and connection. However, untamed sexual urges can interfere with daily lives and relationships.
If you feel like these sexual urges start to impact your life negatively and wish to have expert advice, you can always book an appointment with us at Kentucky Counseling Center (KCC). We have counselors who have specialized training to help you deal with this kind of concern.
