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What questions do they ask in couples therapy




Which Questions to ask in Couples Therapy?


This article contains 57 couples therapy and marriage counseling questions. They are a great resource for any couples therapist, and relationship counselor, or coach. The questions will help to identify problematic areas within the relationship. But even when you’re not a therapist, you can use some of them as an icebreaker exercise to get communication with your spouse going.

We collected a wide range of different couples therapy questions. In the beginning, you will get some ideas of what to ask in the first session in order to explore the clients’ problems and challenges. If you’re interested in structured worksheets and exercises we recommend you the Couples Therapy Toolkit.


Let’s begin with some Couples Therapy Questions for the First Session:


1 – How long have you been together?

2 – What made you seek professional help?

3 – Have you been to couples therapy before?

4 – What have you done or tried before to promote change?

5 – What are your expectations of this couples therapy?

6 – How much are you willing to change to keep your relationship alive?

7 – What would you consider to be your biggest problem? When did it start?

8 – Are there any past conflicts that we need to resolve?

9 – Why did you originally fall in love?

10 – What are the positive qualities which you bring to the relationship?

11 – How would you describe your life together?

12 – How would you describe your relationship in one sentence?



The following couples and marriage counseling questions offer a great possibility to dig deeper. They help to assess areas of problems, challenges, or conflicts.


Couples and Marriage Counseling Session Questions


13 – What’s standing in the way of your relationship being as good as you want it to be?

14 – Are you currently happy? What could you do to be happier in your relationship?

15 – Do you feel emotionally close to your partner?

16 – Do you think your partner cares about you?

17 – Do you feel loved?

18 – How do you feel on a daily basis?

19 – Do you fight often? If so, what are the common topics?

20 – How would you describe an ideal relationship?



21 – What are you willing to do to improve your relationship?

22 – Do you truly care about your partner?

23 – Do you feel happy in your relationship?

24 – How would your lives be like if you decide to separate?

25 – How do you truly feel about your relationship?

26 – Do you trust your partner?

27 – What are the things you love about your partner?

28 – What are the things you can’t stand about your partner?



29 – Do you feel accepted by your partner?

30 – What do you love most about your partner?


More Therapy Questions to Ask Couples:


31 – Are your expectations for each other and your relationship reasonable?

32 – How confident are you that you can solve your current problems and challenges?

33 – What needs and desires are you failing to meet?

34 – Do your arguments seem to come out of nowhere?

35 – Are you arguing about different things or always about the same topics?

36 – Are you often blaming each other for different things?

37 – How would you describe your communication?

38 – Do you feel safe in your relationship?

39 – What do you think is the biggest issue in your relationship?

40 – Are you looking forward to reunions with your partner?



41 – Are you doing a lot of things together that you both enjoy and value?

42 – How would you describe the quality of your sex life?

43 – Is jealousy an issue in your relationship?

44 – What makes you feel stressed? When does it happen?

45 – When it comes to conflicts, do you discuss them or store them up?

46 – What could you do to comfort your partner?

47 – Can you develop a warning signal to let each other know when your feelings are hurt?

48 – How could you show each other your feelings better?

49 – Which rituals of connection could you develop?

50 – What do you like most about your partner?

51 – How would you rate your communication within the relationship?

52 – How could you strengthen and improve the communication in your relationship?

53 – Which result do you expect from this couples therapy? Are they realistic?

54 – Which aspects of your relationship you wish were different? Are these wishes realistic?

55 – Do you feel comfortable bringing up your concerns in your relationship?

56 – Where do you see your relationship in 10 years?

57 – What can you do to improve your relationship?


We hope this little collection of couple therapy questions was helpful and you could use some of them in your next session. If you’re a couples therapist or marriage counselor make sure to check out this ready-to-use toolkit with 14 Impactful Worksheets & Exercises for Couples Therapy, Counseling and Relationship Coaching




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Top couples therapy questions

Attending couples therapy is an excellent way to resolve complex problems, fix communication issues, set relationship goals, and form a stronger bond. If you’re new to couples therapy, you may be wondering what kinds of couples therapy questions will be asked in a session or what questions you should ask your couples therapist. 

The couples therapy questions that you and your partner choose to focus on will heavily depend on why you’ve decided to go to therapy. You may be concerned about trust, finances, or communication.

Below are some examples of couples therapy questions that you can ask your partner, yourself, or discuss with your therapist. Each set of these couples therapy questions are arranged by topic.

First, we begin with couples therapy questions to consider before your first session, followed by couples therapy questions to ask your therapist. This list also includes couples therapy questions regarding communication, intimacy, finances, and more. 


If you’re new to couples therapy, here are some questions to ask yourselves before your first couples therapy session: 

  1. Why are we seeking treatment? 
  2. What do we hope to achieve through couples therapy? 
  3. Do we both feel comfortable with our chosen couples therapist? 
  4. What are your expectations? 
  5. How long do you see us committing to couples therapy? 
  6. Do you have any concerns about going to couples therapy? 
  7. Have you been to couples therapy before with a previous partner? 
  8. Do you feel optimistic about going to couples therapy? 
  9. Would each of us going to individual therapy also help? 
  10. Is there anything pressing you’d like to discuss before our first couples therapy session? 


  1. What happens in a typical couples therapy session?
  2. Is there a couples therapy method or approach you frequently use?
  3. What are the benefits of couples therapy?
  4. Is couples therapy effective?
  5. What makes a relationship healthy?
  6. What are emotional needs?
  7. Can our mental health affect our relationship?
  8. Does online couples therapy work?
  9. What if one partner does not want couples therapy?
  10. What can we do to make our couples therapy sessions more productive?


  1. How can we communicate more positively? 
  2. Do we have a hard time understanding each other? 
  3. Is it difficult to express your thoughts? 
  4. Is it difficult to express your emotions? 
  5. Does my busy [schedule/work commitments/anger…etc.] make it difficult for us to communicate? 
  6. Do you feel alone?
  7. Would it help to set time aside to talk? 
  8. Can we learn to problem-solve together? 
  9. Can we learn to collaborate and compromise more? 
  10. What do you think our communication obstacles are? 


  1. Where do you see us in the future? 
  2. What do you think can help our relationship move forward? 
  3. Do you feel committed to this relationship? 
  4. How can we have more fun together? 
  5. What does quality time look like for you? 
  6. When was the last time we laughed together, and what were we doing at that moment?
  7. What have we learned from our mistakes? 
  8. How can we create a happier household? 
  9. What could we use more of in our lives? 
  10. What could we use less of in our lives?


  1. What does intimacy mean to you?
  2. What does intimacy look like to you? 
  3. Where does intimacy fall on your relationship priority list? 
  4. Do you feel sexually satisfied in our relationship? 
  5. What do you think prevents intimacy? 
  6. Do you feel comfortable being intimate? 
  7. Do you feel safe?
  8. Are you afraid of intimacy?
  9. What are some ways we can spend more private time together?
  10. Are you worried that romance is dead?


  1. Do you and I share the same values?
  2. Is religion important to you?
  3. Are politics important to you?
  4. Do you think we agree on moral decisions?
  5. Do you think we agree on ethical decisions?
  6. What were your family values like in your household?
  7. What are your cultural beliefs? 
  8. Is creativity important to you? 
  9. Are you interested in expanding your knowledge in different areas of life?
  10. Do we respect one another? 


  1. Why do you think you were unfaithful?
  2. Why do you think your partner chose couples therapy over a divorce or break-up?
  3. Do you think you can forgive an unfaithful partner?
  4. What drives you towards reconciliation?  
  5. What does commitment mean to you?
  6. What does commitment look like to you?
  7. What are some healthy ways to deal with anger and resentment? 
  8. What are ways we can heal together?
  9. Do you trust me?
  10. Can you learn to trust me again?


  1. Are our finances a stressor on our relationship?
  2. Do you trust me to manage our finances alone? 
  3. Can we manage our finances together?
  4. What are things we can both do to become more financially stable?
  5. Should there be more financial transparency in our relationship?
  6. Does our relationship place a burden on your/our finances?
  7. Am I financially responsible?
  8. How are finances affecting our relationship?
  9. Do you feel uncomfortable talking about money?
  10. Can we learn to communicate more positively about our budget?


  1. Are we both contributing to household tasks?
  2. Do you feel overwhelmed with daily tasks?
  3. How would you describe your mood today?
  4. How do you generally feel when you wake up?
  5. How do you generally feel when you go to sleep?
  6. Is there anything your partner can do to help you get through your day?
  7. What are your daily challenges?
  8. Describe what a good day looks like for you. 
  9. Describe what a bad day looks like for you. 
  10. How does your partner fit into your day?


  1. How much time do you spend apart?
  2. Would you prefer more time alone? 
  3. Do you feel comfortable when you’re not together?
  4. Do you feel like you’re an independent person?
  5. What are some of your personal hobbies, and are these hobbies you’d like to share?
  6. Do you and your partner like to do the same activities?
  7. Do you feel confident in your relationship when you’re not together?
  8. Do you trust your partner when you’re not together?
  9. Do you think more time/less time apart would help your relationship? 
  10. Do you think individual independence is important?